Posted August 22nd, 2010 by admin
Someone once said that puns are the lowest form of humor and that he who puns is lower. Who cares? When I’m in a good mood, puns come naturally and joyfully (as the title of this posting might attest) and I’m comforted by the observation that Shakespeare is estimated at having over 3,000 puns in his published work.
A tale of a short, wagging tail
Luke-the-dog and I have just returned from an hour in the park, where he played soccer with a basketball, pushing it around with his nose. It is “our” game in that he tires of it quickly if I don’t take a turn by capturing the ball – often physically wrestling it from between his feet – and throwing it so that he can chase it again. And I observed him running full speed with a big smile on his face (and a tail that seemed in danger of falling off, it was wagging so hard). Read the rest of this entry »
Posted August 14th, 2010 by admin
I have two bits of good news.
First good news: I’m “stable”!
I haven’t been feeling well for the past month, and had another (scheduled) PET scan last week. We were delighted at the results. The headline is “stable.” There are no new tumors and the existing ones have only progressed slightly. HOORAY! Read the rest of this entry »
Posted August 1st, 2010 by admin
In my last posting, I wrote about music. Jon-Roar says that it is the first thing that we encounter and the last thing that we lay aside. I’m not so sure about that. If you count rhythm as music, then I agree that it is something that we encounter prenatally. The rhythm of our mothers’ heartbeats, the rhythm of her movements, etc. But this posting is about stories and interactions. I think these are things that we experience very early, as well, and things that are at least near the last things that we lay aside.
I’m thinking about this, in part, because we’ve had a wonderful time with various members of my extended family. As soon as Kim finished teaching Spring quarter, we went to north Georgia and to east and middle Tennessee to visit beloved Little Sister and her husband, daughters and their families, and father and his companion.
Did I mention all SEVEN grandchildren? Read the rest of this entry »
Posted July 5th, 2010 by admin
This has been a hard month—we’ve been making decisions using a calculus that balances quality of life with length of life, factoring in uncertain probabilities of each. I have several electronic calculators, some solar-powered and some battery-operated, but NONE of them have this function on them!
Kim came up with a clarifying terminology. She said that we are living in “alternate universes.” When we are at home or play or work, I’m feeling good and we are happy and productive. When we are talking with our doctors about the results of the various scans and measurements, we both get depressed. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted June 19th, 2010 by admin
A friend left a note about something else, and then added “Hope you get well soon!”
It was a conventional thing to say…and it hurt, because “get well” (as my oncologist reminded me forcefully on Thursday) isn’t a reasonable prospect for me. (Unless there is a miracle – more on that below – but a miracle isn’t “reasonable.) My hope is to prolong my current condition as long as I can. So, what DO you say to someone whom you wish well (as my friend so sincerely did) but who isn’t going to “get well”?
We don’t do death and dying well, do we? Read the rest of this entry »
Posted May 31st, 2010 by admin
I’ve been thinking a lot about scale recently – time-scales; distance-scales; that sort of thing. And I’ve been working on learning to “feel” the different patterns of activation in my brain – when I’m playing, when I’m working, when I’m reading/listening to news, when I’m engaged in good conversation about important issues, when I’m engaged in shallow conversation about trivial issues, and when I’m mediating. And I’ve been thinking about the connections between these – scale and patterns of brain activation.
In the interest of full disclosure: I do not have any of those new-fangled machines that measure brain function/activation; this is a report of my own proprioceptive feelings.
I’ve been having a lot of trouble getting into a good meditative state: the monkey-brain has been very active. There are reasons for this: I’ve been having a LOT of tests and am having to make an important decision; I’m working on two books and am excited about each; and I’m loving each day’s life. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted May 15th, 2010 by admin
On Friday, I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist (who isn’t that young, but still strikes me as a teenager! I think this may say more about me than about him…). I was both nervous and a bit agitated by the content of the conversation Kim and I had in the car on the way to the hospital — we were evaluating the options for treatment including the decision to take an oral chemotherapy that would certainly degrade my quality of life (but by how much?) and possibly slow the progression of the cancer (but by how much?), and there are no really good options. This is a difficult moral calculus, and the stakes are my life.
As part of the protocol, the first thing was to measure weight (I’m gaining — good news for someone in my condition; also quite surprising), height (well, they didn’t measure; they just asked, and I told them how tall I used to be!), and “vitals.” When they started, I decided to see if I could calm myself so that I wouldn’t have a high blood pressure and heart rate. I think I overdid it — blood pressure 102 over 60 and heartrate in the 50′s. The nurse was surprised and took a measure of the amount of oxygen in my blood to make sure that I was still alive…I was delighted to learn that I was (with 100% oxygenation).
I’m really working to see how much my mind can heal my body…or, better, how my mind/body (no dualism here) can heal itself. I’m excited to learn that there is research being done on this Read the rest of this entry »
Posted May 9th, 2010 by admin
OK, I have empirical proof that spiritual practice works! And I’m going to tell you even though I know that the work of spiritual practice is… (drumroll, please) the capacity to do spiritual practice, not to generate proof of any sort of its efficacy. So in full enjoyment of the irony of using a form of proof that is inconsistent with the thing ostensibly proven:
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. For about a month after that, I was in the hospital almost every working day, sometimes several times, for what seemed an endless series of tests as they tried, unsuccessfully, to identify the “primary” or source of the tumors. As a matter of hospital protocol, they measured my height, weight, blood pressure, pulse and temperature each time – sometimes three or more times a day. As I wrote in the early postings on this blog, I was in shock, confused, nervous, etc. One evidence of my condition was my blood pressure – as measured in the hospital, it was around 145; when measured at home, it was around 115.
Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of things that any qualified observer would call “spiritual practice.” Read the rest of this entry »
Posted May 2nd, 2010 by admin
As Garrison Keillor (of “A Prairie Home Companion” fame) might put it, “it’s been a busy week in Lake Woebegone!” I’m just back from a week in Bogotá, Colombia. Step-son Daniel went with me to carry heavy luggage, work the projector for my powerpoints, and to experience a different culture. We stayed with old friends Eduardo Villar and Ilsa Guhl and their grown children Carlos Felipe and Camilla. I even got a chance to wish “happy birthday” via skype to their oldest son Juan Pablo who now lives in Germany.
The ostensible purpose of the trip was to participate in the launch of the Spanish translation of Interpersonal Communication: Making Social Worlds. It was published by Universidad Central and they organized a wonderful evening – standing room only; well over 100 people. Speeches in Spanish that I could only get the gist of; fine wine that I couldn’t drink; wonderful snacks that I couldn’t eat – other than that, it was great!
The real purpose was to support the University, whose recently revived mission is to provide quality education to those who otherwise couldn’t get one, and particularly the new Master’s program, offered in cooperation with Eduardo’s organization Sistemas Humanos, in “Intervention in Human Systems.” I did two, two-day (4 hours each) seminars. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted March 8th, 2010 by admin
Status report: I’m full of energy and life (my Dad would say “piss and vinegar” and maybe he’s more right than I would like to admit). AND, my back hurts, my stomach is giving me trouble, and my knees are twin towers of pain, but I’m choosing to interpret these as just “old man’s disease” rather than anything more sinister.
Buddha
I had breakfast with my friend (and, whether she knows it or not, my teacher and role model) Jan at my favorite place on the beach in central California. It was early because both of us had a long day of work. Among other things, we discussed our personal spiritual practices. There is a moment when the sun dramatically rises above the headland jutting out to sea southeast of where we were and we paused our conversation so that we could inhale it deeply. As I remember it, Jan broke the silence by asking, “Did you notice the puff of wind that comes just before the sun rises?” I answered, “no…but it is probably caused by the differential heat at various levels of the atmosphere as the sun hits the higher part first….” And so on. Jan’s reply was, in my imagination, both patient and disappointed.
As I remember this event, I have a sense of “there I go again!” I was analyzing rather than experiencing. Jan has spoken to me several times, kindly, about the virtue of not-thinking. And this is a lesson that is hard, hard for me. Read the rest of this entry »
